As a mom you naturally take care of everyone else before yourself. Add a demanding professional job and a special needs child to the mix, you really have little or no time to think for yourself.
Actually I’m talking about myself. For the past 10 years, I have been struggling with holding a demanding corporate job and attending to my special needs son.
Naturally as a very responsible person and have non satiable appetite for learning, I kept striving to improve myself at work and challenge myself. However, at the same time having a non typical special needs son sucked out all my time outside of work.
I had few moments to myself to rest, relax and reflect. I was always on high gear, constantly thinking of ways to find therapies, ways to help my son, anticipate challenges ahead for him and reengineer the department I managed at work. I did all these thinking in the shower at night where I supposed to wind down preparing for sleep. Then in bed I was planning on how to execute the ideas in the following morning,”. Multi tasks from mornings till I close my eyes in bed, that’s how I lived my life for the past 6 years. Of course I had bad sleep and the adrenaline is always pumping.
Since I’m constantly working, thinking, nurturing, I was always stressed out, tired and have aches and pains. This really pushed me to the limit.
Eventually I felt I couldn’t do my best at work or at home taking care of my son and family. The inflexibility at work and a boss who operates in 20 years office standard are making it even worse.
By chance I was introduced to Amazon FBA business, I took the opportunity to learn all about it. So I worked even harder. I learned this business in the wee hours while continued to juggle between a full time job and helping my son. As fate had it, I was finally separated from my corporate career for good, willingly or unwillingly.
It was very scary in the beginning and it was also very bitter. I can finally focus on my son and my fledgling business, however replacing my upper management corporate income is no easy feat. I also felt betrayed that the department that I managed and single handedly groomed into a solid productive group was snatched from me and I felt betrayed.
All the stress and worries caught up on me and I was depressed for a number of months. I did very little to my business nor with my son.
Then there were health troubles here and there. It took over 4 months to finally find the cause of all the symptoms. I was diagnosed with a benign brain tumor.
I was so scared at first and thought the end is near and why me? I feared for my young kids, will I be around for them, to guide them through adulthood? I have always tried to lead a healthy life and don’t use drug or alcohol, why is this happening to me?
After 2 weeks of gruesome agony and finally after speaking to my doctors, my condition is not life threatening but definitely needs to take care off.
I am lucky that I need no surgery and a very precise form of therapeutic radiation is all it takes to control or reduce the tumor. The radiosurgery was done more than a week ago now and there’s virtually no side effects to recover.
The prognosis is that it will not grow bigger or it will be reduced to nothing in time.
This my dear fellow moms is a wake up call. This forced me to reflect on myself. What do I really want and what is really important to me. What good is there if I keep pushing myself to push my son and my business?
I’m not saying not to work hard but I really need to put things into perspective.
Does what I think is good for my son is really good for him? All I want for him is to be happy and fulfilled and not be too different from the crowd. While I work really hard to make him follow the flow, tremendous pressure was created physically and emotionally for him, me and the rest of the family. Maybe he’s meant to be different and he will eventually finds his way?
I have thought about this long time ago but I guess I never accepted it. Because of my character to try to achieve “par” as fast as I can for myself, I almost do nothing except working on my business and busy with my son to achieve “par”.
My diagnosis is really a wake up call – I need to slow down and smell the roses. I finally accept the fact that my son is different and will be different no matter how much I try to instill typical behavior and thinking on him. He is special and I have confidence that he is OK.
I also accept the fact that I need to take care of myself both physically and emotionally. I need to rest and relax to be better and more productive. If I don’t take care of myself, I may not be there in the future to see my kids as adults.
I am very thankful to have a very loving and supportive family and close friends to support me through this. I am also thankful that my FBA business allows me flexibility to rest and relax while still making money and not to have to report to an inflexible boss.
The reason I’m writing this post is I want to share with you my dear readers especially special needs working mom that YOU really need to take good care of yourself. Only you can and nobody can help you. I know you work hard, provide for your family and only want the best for your special kid. However, you need to adjust your thinking and trust yourself that you have done enough. You should do something for yourself and trust that your special kid will be ok.
Do something silly, do something you will not normally do as a mom. Do something you enjoy like when you are a single or when you were still in school. This will relax your mind, cut down stress and refuel your spirit and show your kid that you are a happy mom and happy to be there for your kid.
I love to hear your comment or thoughts.
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You know, I learn that you can have both, fulfilling work and family, a real work life balance working online. Stop thinking and start taking action and see for yourself and take care of yourself. Episode 65 in Silent Sales Machine Podcast, talks about being able to work at home and be with family. If you believe it, it will happen.